Words on Wednesday: Mistakes aren't the end
I’ve written about my struggles with perfectionism before and honestly I don’t think it’s ever going to go away for me but I’ve gotten so much better in recent months about letting it get to me less. One of the big things about perfectionism that I’ve found is that it doesn’t just mean everything has to be perfect-but for me it leads me into this crazy spiral of other emotions. To me if it’s not perfect, then it means everyone will hate me, i’m not smart, I won’t get promoted, I don’t deserve nice things, I’ll be stuck in this place forever, I’ll never get better and so on an so forth. Perfectionism is the start of so much negativity that more often than not-in the past I wouldn’t bother trying new things. I find this bothers me in the realm of education the most. I had struggles in my last semester of my undergraduate education that left me feeling completely useless and worthless. Not only that, but I decided no one would ever accept me based on merit into any program anywhere. I’m slowly but surely getting over that, but I realized that impact was so much more than that. I have settled for so many mediocre jobs since then- every job I’ve had was a valuable experience but also a job that was mostly over qualified for-because I didn’t feel I deserved better. When you don’t value yourself or your abilities you automatically start to limit yourself in even what you go out for.
I’m learning that for me I have to shift my thought process. Yes I have made mistakes. Lots of mistakes and I will continue to make more but that doesn’t make me the worst person in the world. It means I am human and honestly that mistake was placed in my path so I could learn from it and keep it moving and share my experience with others so they don’t have to suffer what I have. I’m learning to be grateful for my mistakes and the lessons they’ve taught me. More importantly I am learning to forgive myself for those mistakes. With lots of meditation, and some therapy I am really starting to pick up on the fact that the person that is most awful to me in life…is me. I’m so hard on myself for being human. I talk to myself in a way that if anyone came at my friends like that we would have to throw hands. I’m learning to be kinder to myself. I’m learning to give myself the grace I give others.
This quote is ON TIME because I have to remember that my reaction to my errors is what counts. We have to be easier on ourselves. We have to give ourselves the grace we give others. It’s okay to make mistakes, just don’t let making the mistake keep you down for too long.